Created in 2006, a satirical lifestyle cycling blog aimed to promote Ohio Valley Cycling, Trail Advocacy and Junior Development written by Joe Bellante, a racer for BioWheels in Cincinnati and freelance writer who's work has appeared in Velonews, XXC and Cyclocross Magazines. Thanks for reading.
I was hoodwinked, shammed, boonschlazzled. The sign at the Park Silly Sunday Market read “Ride
a Bike, Win $100.” I’m pretty sure I
could ride a unicycle with a square wheel through a pit of Crisco for $100, so
I dug a five spot out of my wallet and expected to be $95 dollars richer in the
next 60 seconds. That could've bought a whole
lot of genuine Utah turquoise jewelry on my Park City vacation last week. It
didn’t go exactly as planned.
The bike appeared to be your typical BMX bike you’d see
at the jump park in Park City, Utah: platform pedals, single speed, low saddle, scary paint scheme, and with a finish only
achieved by crashing it a few times or towing it on the ground behind an SUV
from Salt Lake City. This is a no
brainer. Brimming with confidence, I
handed the teenager at the tent my five bucks, threw a leg over and pushed
myself back behind the cones. Uh oh.
Note the gear on top of headset-diabolical genius!
Left is right and right is left. I got this, I thought. The bike had been slightly modified probably
in the tool shed above the Crescent Mine Grade lift. It sported an extra head tube welded in front
of the original. A gear bridged the gap
between the two headtubes. It was
genius. Even though the appearance was medieval,
the craftsmanship was top notch. There
was not a bit of slack and it steered beautifully, only the bike steered left
when you turned the bars right. Just
hold bars straight and pedal ten feet and this skinny punk kid will be handing
The Best Bike Blog EVER a fresh Benji.
Just hold the bars straight. Now pedal. Dammit! As I started with my left foot, I leaned
left, counter-steered right and kept going left. Dab number one. My wife gave me encouragement for my second
try, “just do the opposite.” Easier said
than done when you’re a supposed “expert” level bike rider with 15 years of racing
muscle memory. It’s not a no
brainer. Riding a bike is a no
brainer. This is all brain. Imagine heading off a cliff to your right
side and the only thing that would save you is steering right.
I tried again this time starting with my right foot. I leaned right, counter-steered left and bam,
I dabbed. “One try left,” the teenager with
the money apron smiled. I
concentrated. I only had to travel ten feet.
Three pedal strokes I calculated. Hold
the bars straight. This time I started
from the right side of the course and with my left foot first hoping that if I
got into trouble I could keep the bike upright for 10 feet if I were to drift
I was done. I
never got more than a quarter turn of the pedals and I dabbed. This scheme was like Bernie Madoff brilliant. I had fun.
It was worth $5 to try. I thanked
the kid and told him, “I hope you make a ton of money today.”