Created in 2006, a satirical lifestyle cycling blog aimed to promote Ohio Valley Cycling, Trail Advocacy and Junior Development written by Joe Bellante, a racer for BioWheels in Cincinnati and freelance writer who's work has appeared in Velonews, XXC and Cyclocross Magazines. Thanks for reading.
The Hairiest Hairy Leg Contest Ever presented by Cremo Shave Cream
They are real. And, they are spectacular.
While shoes scream for attention, (Italian ones gesture
wildly) even the best shaving cream cowers in the corner of the shower with
foamy muffled whimpers. I was reluctant
at first. On the swag-o-meter, a new
pair of shoes ranks much higher than shaving cream. I must admit, I was a little “meh” when Cremo Cream (the astonishingly superior shave
cream) asked if they could ship me some free product in exchange for a giveaway
with readers. After all, you’ve been
dazzled with Injinji toe socks, GU, Road ID, Ryders Eyewear and Pearl Izumi
clothing. Then again, if there is one
thing all cyclists have in common it’s the constant quest to cut costs where
possible and spend freely on what matters the most. Hence people on $10,000 bikes are often found
stuffing their pockets full of free GU’s and Snickers on club century rides. So see below for The Hairiest Hairy Leg Contest EVER.
We all shave, eventually.
Some of you believe shaving makes you faster. It does not.
9 out of 10 cycling coaches agree.
Riding with slow people makes you faster. Some believe shaving makes you look
better. It does not. Riding with ugly people makes you more
attractive. Some believe shaving makes
you fit in with the crowd. It does
not. Shaving makes you the outcast in
the one-seater kayak at the summer office canoe picnic. Some believe shaving makes massage
easier. It does not. Copious amounts of oil rubbed all over by a
big woman with man mitts makes massage easier. Some believe shaving is a rite of
passage. Hmm….now, you may have
There is a sweet pair of Zipp 343’s in my man cave. Every fall they come off my wife’s bike. Sometime during the spring, they go back on…when
the bike fairy rings the magic cowbell and deems her Zippworthy. The Zipps are a rite of passage, a reward for
months of training in foul winter weather turning her into a raging she-beast
on a bike. The same applies to shaving,
although Cremo Cream does not cost $2500 a pair. The first shaving of the meat sticks of the
season for many is viewed as a rite of passage, from neandercyclist to racer. Me ride fast.
Smooth and silky, shaving is like wearing superman’s cape. It makes you fly. It’s like the Hulk’s muscles ripping through
a plaid shirt to reveal mountains of green muscle. Raaawwwrr!
It makes you feel like you can tear your riding buddies to shreds. Shaving makes that delicious bit of quad meat
above your knee look like an unclimbable cornice on Mt. Everest. Shaving makes your massage therapist ask if
you’d like the sports massage. Shaving
makes the three girls in the pickup truck whistle and woot as they pass on your
ride through Northern Kentucky. Shaving
is also the reason their jealous boyfriends buzz you, call you a “Nancy” and exhaust
blast you in a black diesel fog.
Honey, what are you doing with your phone in the shower?
It’s the end of spring.
If you think you’ve earned the most spectacular leg shave you’ll ever receive
outside of hiring your very own soigneur with a straight razor, read on for a
chance to win. I’ve tried Cremo Cream. It’s great on toast. It also leaves you a remarkably closer shave
than the stuff you had the coupon for.
It’s slick. Whatever lubricant is
in there makes the razor glide easily and the moisturizing seems to linger after
the razor passes. I didn’t see the need
to put on lotion afterward. Since it’s
really not a foamy thing, the razor clears hair more easily. While I didn’t really count, it seemed like I
got more trips up my leg before I had to wash the clippings out of the blade. After I was done my wife ran her hand up my leg and said, “Yummy.” Then
she nibbled on my calves. As it says on
the tube, “Try it once to believe it.
Enjoy it for life. It’s really
that good.” You can pick it up at CVS, Walgreens,
Walmart and a number of retailers. Visit Cremo Cream online for details.
THE HAIRIEST HAIRY LEG CONTEST EVER P/B CREMO CREAM
If you’re still not convinced to try Cremo Cream yet, let me
indulge your frugality. Share your hair to win a Cremo Cream Gift Set.
We’ll draw 3 winners, a virtual podium of sasquatches on
bikes, to win a Cremo Cream gift set including: shaving cream, moisturizer and wash. If you’re lucky, we may even post your photo to Facebook or
use it on the blog. Deadline is at Noon (Eastern
Time) on Tuesday, June 4th. Good luck! Winners will be drawn randomly.