tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12305221835405024142012-01-27T19:40:50.021-05:00The Best Bike Blog EverFormerly the Joe Biker Blog on AOL, this is the best bike blog ever written by cycling crazed Cincinnati copywriter who loves to poke fun and make saterical obsevations about cyclocross, mountain biking, and cycling culture.Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.comBlogger3911100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-52422092970457512632012-01-23T18:41:00.000-05:002012-01-23T18:49:30.177-05:00#CXMasters2012 A Softie Riding Hard
Shielding my tears from two young girls no doubt waiting
for their Dad to cross the line, I broke down after the finish at the Masters
Cyclocross World Championships in Louisville.
When I told my wife about wearing my emotions on my jersey sleeves at
the finish she rolled her eyes. She
knows me. I also cried on my wedding
day. My shoulders rattled with man sobs
and sniffles. A Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-12959583911631138472012-01-17T19:55:00.000-05:002012-01-17T19:57:05.422-05:00#Cyclocross Sizing Tires Like Carry-on Bags
A 33cm Clement PDX Clincher Too Fat for UCI
Even that spiky haired Food Network culinary star Guy
Fieri will tell you a cup of flour is not necessarily a cup of flour. It depends on how it’s measured. The UCI device for measuring width of cyclocross
tires is the heaping tablespoon of baking.
The maximum legal width for a cross tire is 33mm. It says right there on the sidewall. I'd assumeJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-52371190244723483362012-01-11T12:03:00.001-05:002012-01-11T13:14:26.080-05:00Euro Guide Map to #CXMasters2012 Worlds
If you’re traveling to the Cyclocross Masters World
Championships from Europe you may have packed your bathing suit and open toed
sandals after seeing that Louisville falls on the same geographic latitude line as
Portugal, Spain and Southern Italy.
Sorry to disappoint. This is no Mediterranean
vacation. The weather recently is more
like the UK. It’s wet, cloudy and a tish
chilly. Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-35467713412341489792012-01-09T11:10:00.001-05:002012-01-09T14:52:20.544-05:00#CXnats Elite Podiums Won in the Pits
Everyday I'm Pamperin'
While you may have watched the live streaming video or followed #cxnats on Twitter, you missed a few things at the Elite Cyclocross National Championship Races in Madison, WI on Sunday. For one, you missed this dude in the diaper with a cooler full of cold ones and a RoadID on his wrist. You also missed the details that made the difference for Antonneau and Powers.
Gumbo Boyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02688137899649956823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-56450290087548209222012-01-04T19:11:00.000-05:002012-01-04T19:17:11.674-05:00#CXnats: Course Myths BustedAfter yesterdays course preview time and today's B race experiences from four riders, this would be a good time to bust some myths about the course. We have had a total of 31 laps on the course during several different times of the day and can provide that last dose of insight to folks trying to determine what to plan for in Verona.
Myth #1: Course is a solid sheet of ice
The organization in Gumbo Boyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02688137899649956823noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-36654576519006078012012-01-04T00:04:00.002-05:002012-01-04T10:35:27.884-05:00#CXnats: Course Inspection
Tuesday 9am Conditions uphill barriers courtesy GumboBoy
Calls and texts are streaming into my phone all day and nearly every one of them is asking what tires they should bring to Madison. Facebook is lighting up with banter back and forth about ice and danger and why aren't there any more turns. Since none of the calls, texts, or posts appear to be from anyone that has inspected the course, Gumbo Boyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02688137899649956823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-52819148528843840532012-01-03T00:16:00.000-05:002012-01-03T09:14:43.131-05:00Monday Travel Day #cxnats
4 Runner loaded to bear
Monday is a travel day and a day to recharge a bit after a
couple hard races in Chicago. There were a lot of expectations for Chicago, but
racing in the same nasty mud conditions we had the last couple OVCX races was a
surprise and the kids needed some time to recharge.
So we loaded up the truck and headed to Verona. Hills that
is. Gravel climbs, icy descents.
Gumbo Boyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02688137899649956823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-79957495404044015912012-01-01T18:00:00.000-05:002012-01-01T18:23:18.474-05:00#CCCNYR Sunday: Terminal Wind ChillRacing cross late in the season requires a good head for the weather and being able to anticipate conditions well enough to dress properly from head to toe for your race. Isobars and wind chill mean something to cross racers, you just gotta know what level of Mad Alchemy to put on the legs.
Sand pit lip exit
Today reminded me of a comedy bit by Lewis Black, which I have cleaned up to ensure Gumbo Boyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02688137899649956823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-28284542614433215832011-12-31T23:00:00.000-05:002011-12-31T23:30:01.652-05:00#CCCNYR Saturday: Trebon Dominates, OVCX ImpressesSaturday was day one of the Chicago Cross Cup New Years Resolution with a full slate of racing, including UCI Elite Men and Women. The weather called for 46 and SUNNY - WOO HOO! Guess what? The weather in Chicago changes way faster than Cincinnati. At 9am it was sunny, warming up and feeling great, at 11am it got windy, dark and cold, about mid-30s, then at 8pm tonight it was back up to 39 and Gumbo Boyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02688137899649956823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-39271460765328206232011-12-30T22:30:00.000-05:002011-12-30T22:38:19.411-05:00Arrival: Mud Insensitivity #cccnyr
TBBBE Stock 4-Runner Photo
Friday we loaded up the Toyota 4-Runner and ended up in a caravan with another Toyota 4-Runner, once again the official race vehicle of the The Best Bike Blog Ever, and headed north. It will come as no surprise to anyone that just like the last several races in the OVCX series it rained from the time we left our driveway until we reached Indian Lakes Resort in Gumbo Boyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02688137899649956823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-9979439787439921552011-12-28T10:00:00.000-05:002011-12-30T21:55:24.543-05:00Guest Blogger Road Trip: #CCCNYR Chicago CX Cup & #CXnatsIt's that time again when I hand over the keys to the blog. Similar in principal to last years trip to Bend for CX Nationals, Corey Green will be guest blogging for the next 10 days as the run in to Nationals begins with the Chicago UCI races. This year it's a bit different. Corey has chosen quite a task for himself. Instead of traveling with two Masters aged micro-brew snobbing fart-joke Gumbo Boyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02688137899649956823noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-28908391990314645942011-12-21T09:26:00.001-05:002011-12-21T09:26:33.809-05:00Xmas Break: Who Poofed in the Peloton
(Joe Biker Note: It's that time of the year when you patch the 23 tubes you flatted in 2011, find your hiking boots, and of course face the decision on whether to get "Call of Duty: Blood, Cussing & Grenades" or "Bop-It" for your 11 year old nephew. While I'm out wishing I was riding, enjoy this classic from The Best Bike Blog 2006 Archives: "Who Poofed in the Peloton."
You're rolling Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-77200421885658386842011-12-19T10:07:00.000-05:002011-12-19T10:10:58.219-05:00Quit Making Fun of my #LobsterClaw Mittens
As Big As A Cat and Just as Warm
(Joe Biker Note: I'm out shopping for holiday gifts. Until I find something you'll really like, please enjoy this updated little morsel and possible gift idea from the archives. Our Cyclocross Calendar sponsor Pearl Izumi has some great Lobster Claws mitts, check 'em out here.)
They’ve been called Camel Toe Mitts, Dinosaur Paws, and, (using my Scooby Doo Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-37930597240099372892011-12-14T12:47:00.002-05:002011-12-14T12:54:24.123-05:00#Cyclocross: My Diabolical 5-Step Tactical Plan for Masters Worlds Domination
Fave Cartoon EVER!
Trainer: Gee, Joe Biker, what do you want to do
tonight?
Joe Biker: The same thing we do every night, Trainer -
try to take over the world!
Clicked into a trainer and surrounded by hibernating garden
tools, garbage cans, and grease coated shop rags, my water bottle and cell
phone rest on the filthy hood of my Toyota 4-Runner. I lost the remote control a few months ago Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-13021716419564894742011-12-07T14:34:00.001-05:002011-12-07T15:32:42.334-05:00#Cyclocross Pitting For Dummies
Where's my bike? (Joel Quimby Photography)
They call it the credit card, when the rear wheel gets slid
through a rider’s rear end on a botched cyclocross pit exchange. It’s the dreaded remount bobble, caused
mainly by having a drunken person pitting for you. It was the biggest mistake I saw in the pits
at the muddy Kings CX race on Sunday. The
2nd biggest mistake was seeing riders pull in Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-40109373063796164292011-12-05T10:57:00.001-05:002011-12-05T15:15:40.563-05:00Like Plinko On Wheels #OVCX #KingsCX
Choose Handups Wisely (by Chris Jones)
You ever wonder what it’s like when a gust of wind blows up
while teetering on tight rope between skyscrapers, to drive 100mph down a black
iced winter Wisconsin freeway, to cut your regulator hose 35 feet under while
scuba diving? The acrobat grips the wire
between his toes gently holding the balancing pole. The rally car driver nearly spins off the
Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-53705577129555663972011-11-30T15:20:00.001-05:002011-11-30T15:47:41.290-05:00#Cyclocross: Surviving The Holiday Abyss
The faded workout has treated me well
My Christmas list sadly begins with socks. The other thing I’m working on in early
December is how to bridge the fitness abyss of after-work darkness, St. Nick’s
candy, Dorothy's ham gravy, and a marathon of New Years Eve parties between now
and Cyclocross Nationals. Then it struck
me like a V8 vegetable juice palm slap upside the forehead, my modified Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-26651983392152691682011-11-28T10:53:00.001-05:002011-11-28T11:07:21.364-05:00Cycling Gear Washing Problems Solved!
Grrr...Inside Out Winter Cycling Gloves
It must be some sort of cat fish, the creature inside my
washing machine that loves to pull the liner out of my winter cycling gloves. Obviously, it likes to play but must be able
to swim in murky water. Unlike Poofy, the
three-footed sock stealing cloud-like entity in the dryer, the washing machine
monster only messes with my winter cycling gloves. Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-19383344260141683382011-11-23T20:48:00.000-05:002011-11-23T21:09:54.479-05:00#Thanksgiving: Getting The Bird on the Bike
Happy F'n Thanksgiving
The email from our VP read, “To help get you on your way for
Thanksgiving, we’re closing the shop at 2pm on Wednesday.” With a building full of the nerdy music weirdoes
you made fun of in college, sometimes it’s hard to think of a radio station as
a business, let alone a shop. However, if you’re the creative
weirdo making commercials for a 4-day Black Friday weekend onJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-68776030943836488662011-11-21T11:28:00.001-05:002011-11-21T13:36:12.723-05:00#OVCX Lexington: Everyday I’m Sufferin’
Brilliant! Socks and Caps to come!
I’m not high.
However, if I used your bathroom this morning, I may be more inclined to
ransack your medicine cabinet looking for pain killers, eye drops and Q-tips. It hurts to lift my arms. I have a friend that when exhausted will joke
that his skin hurts. It’s sort of like
that. Between the numerous bike carries
at the OVCX Lexington cyclocross race Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-39593321180942064122011-11-17T08:30:00.000-05:002011-11-17T08:50:35.995-05:00Rachel Reviews: #PEARLiZUMi Base Layers
Meet Rachel. She's romped Sedona singletrack, cruised county roads in Summit County Colorado, and hiked in B.C. You might run into her in the pilates and yoga studio. She's got a corral of bikes and a closet full of gear. Of course, there's always room for more. She's also my wife and this is Rachel Reviews: Pearl Izumi P.R.O. Baselayers.
A windy cold day should not be a reason to skip aJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-73281947020377501682011-11-14T09:06:00.001-05:002011-11-14T11:51:41.490-05:00Degrees of Separation: #OVCX to #USGPcx to Masters Worlds 2011
You raced or watched the USGP Cyclocross Derby Cup in Louisville
this weekend. With course tape snapping
in the wind, you rang the cowbell at the fly-over, heckled Georgia Gould, followed
Powers lines warming up, shielded your junior kid’s eyes from the guy cheering with
a nipple-taped blow up doll and, even though you can’t draw a correlation, the
three gladiators seemed to fit in with the Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-9698906340424844602011-11-09T09:41:00.000-05:002011-11-09T12:50:42.452-05:00@GouldGeorgia Ur Fans R Getting Ready 4 #USGPcx Louisville Hecklefest #Heckleme
Dear Georgia Gould,The Ohio Valley fans of the Best Bike Blog EVER (read with snarky EVER), saw your tweet:
gouldgeorgia Georgia Gould
In an effort to encourage more heckling I am offering a box of Luna bars to the best heckle I hear during my race. Ok? #usgpcx #heckleme
While, being from the Ohio River Valley, most of them prefer gifts of bacon and chewing tobacco, they are Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-28237208862400485982011-11-07T17:33:00.000-05:002011-11-08T09:28:54.874-05:00#Cincy3CX Hangover
Trombone Maddie Cheers Katie, Kaitlin & Georgia
I’d love to dazzle you with insightful commentary about this
weekend’s Cincy3 Cyclocross Festival, but like last year, after writing the race
stories for the media, I’m all typed-out.
While thankful to see my name in the Velonews Byline with accurate and colorful articles, the weekend was so ADD inducing, in retrospect, I can barely
keep my Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-70471533437547913352011-11-02T15:24:00.001-04:002011-11-02T15:24:42.200-04:00Fill-in-Memo: Asking Off For Friday CX Race
To: (Boss’ name) a.k.a. Worlds Most Greatest
Boss in the World
Fr: (Your Name/Title)/CX3 Bike Racer
Re: Mental Health Day Friday 11/4
11/2/11
If you don’t
count the half day I had to take after the group got food poisoning from (local hole in the wall restaurant your fat
co-workers love), I have not been sick since I started working here at
(company). In fact due to my high level
ofJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-44818466453133199232011-10-31T12:45:00.000-04:002011-10-31T13:17:32.536-04:00A Handout on #Cyclocross Hand-ups
No sorry. I'm vegetarian.
The one-upmanship is worrisome with two UCI level events on the horizon, (The Cincinnati UCI3 and the
USGP in Louisville.) A disturbing trend is emerging on the
cyclocross circuit as evident in this weekend’s OVCX Storm the Greens race in
Louisville. Every week riders are being
forced to make harder and harder choices.
A few weekends ago at a muddy race in IndianaJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-85823256487551628102011-10-26T11:45:00.003-04:002011-10-26T11:54:46.045-04:00Sunday Schooled: The Stations of Cross
How’d your race go?
Well I got forced off my line and into the deep mud and lost two
spots. Pow! I can only train an hour a day and that’s
what happens. Ka-pew! I got my foot tangled in course tape. (Gesturing tying a noose around my neck.) I biffed it in the sand. (Make believe slitting wrists.) I was wheezing like a donkey in the
dust. Asking, “How’d your race go” is like
stealing Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-18016760306332871302011-10-19T10:08:00.000-04:002011-10-20T16:09:18.255-04:00Zombie Boogers: My Cycling Comfort Foods
They’re the foods that fuel your ride or welcome you home
after suffering in the saddle. They’re
your weird, bizarre, locked up in a closet personal favorites. After getting soaked for the last hour of
that Sunday hammerfest, you don’t want a sandwich to get
the feeling back in your fingers. You need Usinger's Braunschweiger on soft Italian bread with brown mustard, real butter and onions.Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-60658521997011747242011-10-17T12:47:00.000-04:002011-10-18T09:06:58.409-04:00The Cycling Travel Formula™: Is The Ride Worth The Drive?
Plug your numbers into The Best Bike Blog EVER’s Cycling
Travel Formula™ and find out if the ride worth the drive.
HSR = or > HSD – F x DQ
(HSR) Hours Spent Riding should be equal to or more than
the (HSD) Hours Spent Driving minus the (F) number of Friends traveling with
you multiplied by the (DQ) Disappointment Quotient. I just blew your mind didn’t I? You might want to read that againJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-62367397906976208122011-10-12T10:43:00.000-04:002011-10-12T10:54:07.410-04:00A Test of the Emergency #Vegan System
Free for the Taking, an Izzy's Sandwich on Servatii's Roll
This is the vegan equivalent of finding a Brinks truck crashed on the side of the road with $100 bills scattered across the shoulder. Do you take it and
buy a Dura Ace equipped carbon wonder bike from Italy? Or do you do the right thing, call 9-1-1 and be the hero? This is a made-in-Cincinnati
Izzy’s Reuben Sandwich. In the world Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-82411553410252768002011-10-10T09:56:00.001-04:002011-10-10T09:56:11.918-04:00#OVCX Gun Club: This Is What CX Is About
I’m curled up in a fetal position clutching my Simon
Burney book “Cyclocross – Training and Technique.” I used to think cross was a balancing act
between our checkbook and a functioning bike, IPA and body weight, hill repeats
and a healthy marriage, core workouts and clean dishes, recovery rides and a
well kept lawn. I’m realizing cyclocross
is more of a 60-40 or 75-25 than a perfect 50-50 Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-60445270724778645902011-10-07T09:39:00.000-04:002011-10-07T09:41:27.859-04:00#Fall: It's Not All About Cyclocross
It's About Looking Up!
It's About Grabbing A Little More Brake.
It's About Sharing The Experience With Someone Close.
It's About The Snack Break.
It's About Stepping off the Trail for a better peek at Versailles SP Fall Colors.
Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-8648512781446672022011-10-05T08:00:00.000-04:002011-10-05T09:00:38.238-04:00#Vegan: The Cheesepocalypse is Neigh!
Sign off I-94 North of Illinois
There is no cheese in our house, and I’m originally from
Wisconsin. I know. I’m probably going to hell for that. The only thing saving me from the eternal deep
fryer is a box of Cheese-Its in the cupboard, which is certainly not a whole food and may or may not contain actual
dairy products. I’d have to squint too hard and they’re
too damn tasty for me to Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-73895960239247895602011-10-03T10:52:00.000-04:002011-10-03T11:59:45.342-04:00#OVCX John Bryan: A TT with Beer & Cash
My Best CX Season Ever P/B Pearl Izumi
No where in the cyclocross training handbook is there a
sentence that reads, “Loosen up by bunny-jumping lumps on the course just
because it’s fun.” Even with bright tall
socks, beer handups and handlebar streamers, I’m nearly certain Cyclocross is a serious
calculated business. Just like pole dancing, it takes mad skillz to ride one handed through a Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-68393511476366724992011-09-28T09:45:00.000-04:002011-10-13T09:15:56.969-04:00Win a Hydrapak for Your Next Adventure
See The Cool Packs at Hydrapak.com
CONTEST ENDED:
Congrats to Nate! He chose the Hydrapak Soquel! Thanks for reading.
Last week I
wrote about my trip to Park City Utah where I goosed a moose on the Mid
Mountain Trail, ran into pro rider and PC resident Evan Hyde, and at the end of a four
hour ride, stuffed an entire six pack of Full Sail Ale in my Hydrapak Morro at
the state liquor storeJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-81753671524540435732011-09-27T10:43:00.000-04:002011-09-27T10:43:54.108-04:00Louisville Worlds 2013: Joey's Okay CartoonJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-12112166811147292052011-09-26T11:47:00.000-04:002011-09-26T11:47:29.090-04:00VIDEO: OVCX #3 Duurty GirlzJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-11140443279925223212011-09-21T13:18:00.001-04:002011-09-21T13:25:22.392-04:00Hydrapak Morro: One World - One Pack
"Groceries"
Paper or plastic? “I’m
good. I think I can get it all in my pack,”
I answered at the checkout at the state liquor store in Park City Utah after
our four hour ride. As she swiped my
credit card, I pulled the micro brew bottles out of the six pack holder and
stuffed them into my new Hydrapak Morro.
While the people behind me in line waited patiently for me to bag my “groceries,”
Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-27260999047832413342011-09-19T14:27:00.000-04:002011-09-19T15:15:28.523-04:00Fishstix, Cross Balls and 5th Grade Math
My Best CX Season Ever p/by Pearl Izumi
On 60 Minutes yesterday I heard a quote, “The only
difference between men and boys is the price of the toys.” Lie.
There’s no difference at all. Yesterday
in the first ever combined Cat 1/2-Elite Masters OVCX race all 50 men and boys
on the starting grid were no stranger to the podium. In the past few years of stricter upgrade
practices, everyoneJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-74638407871294590532011-09-14T10:34:00.001-04:002011-09-14T10:34:20.986-04:00CX Bike Fit: Don’t Make Me Get All Norm Abram on You
My New Leaf Spring
A cross bike saddle is like a bean bag chair without the
X-box. No. It’s more like a crossbow with the rails as
the bow and the sit surface as the string.
Hmm. Not quite. A CX bike saddle is identical to a leaf
spring on a 1978 Toyota Land Cruiser in Nairobi. Yeah, and your remounting tookus is the rusty
two ton truck pounding on it through a Serengeti Safari. Think Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-68845396755829059562011-09-12T12:42:00.000-04:002011-09-12T12:45:01.088-04:00Park City Vacation: Ride a Bike, Win $100
One Rich Kid
I was hoodwinked, shammed, boonschlazzled. The sign at the Park Silly Sunday Market read “Ride
a Bike, Win $100.” I’m pretty sure I
could ride a unicycle with a square wheel through a pit of Crisco for $100, so
I dug a five spot out of my wallet and expected to be $95 dollars richer in the
next 60 seconds. That could've bought a whole
lot of genuine Utah turquoise jewelry on Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-69657928392060638602011-09-09T05:00:00.000-04:002011-09-09T05:00:09.715-04:00Vintage Joe Biker: Ault Park Mary
Ault Park Cincinnati.com
(Joe Biker Note: I'm taking a hiatus this week. It's my opportunity do whatever I want: like sniff tubular glue. It's your opportunity to read something from this blog that's been around since July 2006. This originally posted November 14th, 2007. Thanks for reading and enjoy.)
When you spend your free time on the couch, you relate with other people who Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-60018629053230055342011-09-07T05:00:00.000-04:002011-09-07T05:00:11.199-04:00Vintage Joe Biker: An Open Letter To The Little Girls I Almost Puked In Front Of
(Joe Biker Note: Twice a year or so, I like to take a break from the blog to decompress, touch my monkey and that sort of thing. If you're a newer reader, it's a chance to read something from the archives. This originally posted October 2007. Enjoy.)
...actually, here's the full title:
An Open Letter To: The eight year old girls who came to watch youth soccer on Sunday at Loveland’s Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-17476842522706652212011-09-05T05:00:00.000-04:002011-09-05T05:00:01.002-04:00Vintage Joe Biker: Cycling Sucks...I Mean Socks
The Contents of My Sock Safe
(Joe Biker Note: About twice a year, I like to take a break from the blog. It's my chance to decompress and your chance to read some vintage Joe Biker. This originally posted September 2007. Enjoy.)
Remember the movie “Office Space,” where Jennifer Aniston had to wear flair for her waitress job. I think cycling socks are like flair. Don't "tisk" at me. YouJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-91947288536714972922011-08-29T12:25:00.000-04:002011-08-29T12:25:36.232-04:00It’s Not About The Bike, It’s About Hincapie’s Hair
Hincapie Hair
For the 853rd time this year Phil Liggett mentioned George Hincapie will set a record for Tour De France starts (#17) when he tows the line in 2012. Yes Phil, we know. It is impressive. In his career he’s notched classics wins at KBK and Ghent, ushered 9 tour winners to the top of the Paris podium, and donned the Stars and Stripes. While the win at Paris Roubaix remains Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-21767759692130174592011-08-26T11:22:00.002-04:002011-08-26T11:38:15.771-04:00Challenge Limus: The Waffle Making Miracle TireIt’s August 26th. Do you know where your Limus Is? It’s the greatest thing since the first hipster picked up a hacksaw, it’s the Challenge Limus. The way cyclocrossers are snatching up this new mudder, you’d swear it could cook Belgian waffles on Sunday mornings. From all the hype I’m not entirely convinced it wasn’t originally an Apple product, the iTire. Seriously hup-hupsters, it’s a tireJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-78441788402472907252011-08-24T14:51:00.000-04:002011-08-24T14:51:48.692-04:00Hurricane Irene Upgraded to Cat 3Despite not holding her line and forcing hundreds off the road and into the gutter throughout Puerto Rico, Hurricane Irene received a sticker in the mail, officially marking the upgrade to Cat 3. After racing throughout St. John, the Dominican Republic and other Caribbean countries, Irene has apparently accumulated enough points to upgrade before she makes a splash on the US cycling scene in theJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-80841347508552815182011-08-22T12:36:00.002-04:002011-08-22T12:44:07.933-04:00Your Front Wheel: Things I Forgot to Bring to the MS150 for $500 AlexWhen you rob a bank, don’t forget the ski mask. When you carve a side of beef, don’t forget your chain mail glove. When go skiing, don’t forget the jacket with the zippered lift ticket that proves to all the ladies you tore it up at L’Alpe d’Huez. Whether you’re cashing in at the local branch, starting your first day at Fuddruckers or dropping the double diamonds at Breck, veteran cat burglarsJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-82329310003128954772011-08-17T11:03:00.001-04:002011-08-17T11:05:19.876-04:00Cyclist Fakes Road Rash to Look More Pro
"What's Up Guys?!"
Knowingly pining for attention he pulled up to the group ride with his bandaged drive side knee and elbow facing his group ride buddies asking “What’s up guys?” “Aw man! You okay dood?” The eyes of his concerned buds were drawn to the hospital fresh woven bandage-sock over his “road rash.” Unbeknownst to them, Joe Bellante of Cincinnati had hammered the hill on the wayJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-79445094043117530312011-08-15T15:25:00.004-04:002011-08-15T16:49:24.184-04:00Cutting The Course and Other Diabolical CX Practice Tips
Katie Compton Warms Up At Devou
As if you were 2 days into crossing the Sahara, your mouth is open gasping for breath and water. Your legs are searing. Your coordination follows your downward spiral. You take a turn too wide and bobble the barriers. Then, pop! You’re dropped, breathless, bummed, burnt and alone. You think, “If this is practice, I’m doomed.”
A lot of cyclocrossers donJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-24802307121014520602011-08-11T12:19:00.004-04:002011-08-11T12:28:28.191-04:00Oil, Summer’s IceWith the accuracy of a laser pointer Jaden stuck a finger out along his left leg. Averting a flat on a raised crack, the group flowed to the right along the gutter. A few miles later, somewhere near the former home of Big Butter Jesus, Rachel shook her hand on her right side. Deep gravel. It was an 80 mile ride and I’m sure we exhausted every gesture in the group ride hand vocabulary handbookJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-83789011500905724422011-08-10T10:38:00.004-04:002011-08-10T11:35:12.613-04:00Share Your Ugly Jersey and Win: Extreme Jersey Makeover Contest p/b Pearl Izumi
Everyone Knows You're Top Banana!
I had to see it with my own eyes. The MS 150 Top Banana Jersey, awarded to participants who raise a huge amount of money for the National MS Foundation, was rumored to be one hideous piece of work. I put on my welders mask and prepared for the worst in my online search. After finding it, miraculously my eyes did not go bloodshot. It’s not THAT bad. SureJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-19638026481010916742011-08-08T11:00:00.001-04:002011-08-08T11:02:07.323-04:00A Week Without TV (well…sort of)
Goodbye Old Friend
Granted I cheated, I fell asleep to Sports Center. I snuck a peek here and there, at work, in the guest room. So naughty, but for the most part I haven’t watched the lazy box, at least in my living room for a week. This TV fast would be nobler I actually planned it like a cleansing, a Triathlon training plan or giving up cold cuts and cheese, but it wasn’t voluntary. Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-56768274670420646612011-08-02T14:35:00.002-04:002011-08-02T14:40:21.606-04:00The Redemption of Riding Solo
Top Flats of Shadow Run
I like to think they were Cicadas. No dis against crickets, but the head-filling sound of Cicadas fit the zen feel of a solo ride better. I had no wheel to chase, nor any spinning hubs behind me. After the battery died on my Ipod an hour into my solo ride at Versailles State Park in Indiana, I was bummed at the loss of my mountain biking soundtrack. Then I realized, Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-56728134564694519362011-07-26T14:47:00.003-04:002011-07-29T13:44:16.000-04:00Ice Road Rucker
Photo Courtesy Jay Cable via Picasa
In the middle of the night when no one was looking, he slipped away from his family. He stuffed his favorite energy food - Poptarts, a hand cannon and sleeping gear into the panniers of his IF 29er and headed off into the wild of Alaska. Well at least that's how it seemed to me. Good thing that’s where the similarities end between my friend Rucker and Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-17430198608221266582011-07-25T12:21:00.000-04:002011-07-25T12:21:48.927-04:00The Perfect Al-dente Monday Night Noodle RideKickstands Up: 630pm Columbia Square (Delta & Columbia Parkway)The Ride: an hour or so into downtown, Covington, Newport and back.Speed: Noodle
Here’s the recipe for the perfect al-dente noodle ride: 1 small ring, two cups of coasting, a pinch of parks, 1 purple bridge, a couple flakes of friends, and a circumnavigation of Paul Brown Stadium-lightly spun. Blend together at low speed.
Just likeJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-82266311202912180512011-07-21T17:00:00.000-04:002011-07-21T17:00:09.642-04:00She’s Ebaying All Her Nike Stuff b/c of Vick SigningMy stomach still feels flipped. My nose is turned up and my bottom lip down. It was disgusting, grotesque, sickening, heartbreaking, angering, sad. Along with the link to her Nike eBay auction, she sent a photo of one of the dogs that died in the Michael Vick dog fighting ring. If you didn’t hear, after a brief hiatus, Nike resigned Vick to a sponsorship deal.
She was right, people tend to Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-75496608470933216622011-07-19T10:35:00.008-04:002011-07-19T13:22:10.524-04:00Do Some GUd for Ohio MS 150
Click Here and Donate Today!
The Best Bike Blog EVER supports the MS 150 and is a good hubby (well tries very hard to be anyway.) So we're Doing Some GUd for the MS150 by helping my wife Rachel reach her fundraising goal by offering a chance to win a GU Energy Sampler Prize Package.
To win: click here and donate to the National Multiple Sclerosis Society in support of the MS 150 through Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-71661648553854896872011-07-15T13:33:00.000-04:002011-07-15T13:33:40.454-04:00Voeckler Positive for Snatching Contador’s Body…and Other TDF ThoughtsThor-tooPower, perseverance…pecs, Thor’s finish line salute would make a great tattoo. Who couldn’t benefit from the power of a mini-thor on the upper arm? What Would Thor Do? Take it one step further. It’d make a ridiculous chest tattoo. Unzip your jersey and, ba-bam, say hello to the god of thunder ladies!
Klo-no!Or, maybe, “Oh No-den!” Kloden clipped out in the first hour of Friday’s Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-995876889115251792011-07-13T10:45:00.000-04:002011-07-13T10:45:37.439-04:00A Case for Extreme Cyclocross CouponingI may need to get a 3-ring binder, a set of Fiskars and read up on extreme couponing. Getting ready for cyclocross is similar to getting a shopping list together. “How are we on T.P.? Are you good on tires? Deodorant? How 'bout cassettes? The shaving cream feels a little light. What’s that bar tape look like?" The way it went last night, I’m gonna need two shopping carts at BioWheels bikeJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-55207882580346396202011-07-11T15:37:00.000-04:002011-07-11T15:37:52.165-04:00HTFU: Hoogerland The F Up BraceletShocking. Tragic. Heroic. Hoogerland makes the yellow jersey winning break, scraps with Voeckler for KOM points over numerous mountain passes, gets hit by a car, rag-dolled into a fence, shredded by barbed wire, miracurously remounts his bike and only after getting dropped miles from the finish line makes the time cut to claim the polka dot jersey in tears on the Tour De France podium yesterdayJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-65254163741946722762011-07-08T10:23:00.002-04:002011-07-08T11:14:41.225-04:00In Your Face Sunglass Bitch!We all know good sunglasses come from a bitchy girl behind the counter at a boutique, she's Sunglass Bitch. Wallpapered in Oakley, D&G and ooh look, Prada, you completely overlook that this swanky place may be called a hut. Sunglass Bitch oozes so much style, look at those high heels, that you’re coddled into believing that you walked into a world where a 19 year old can make six figures Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-41638888704764891672011-07-05T12:12:00.000-04:002011-07-05T12:12:37.761-04:00Asheville: Where Trails are Named and Maps are NumberedWIN THE PRIME! Enter the Tour De Rants p/b Ryders Eyewear and win the sunglasses of your choice from RydersEyewear.com! Simply, comment on today’s post between now and Sunday July 10th. Ba bam!
With the Tour De France occasionally locking up on the internet TV in the workshop, I handed the mechanic at Backcountry Outdoors $11.95 for my DuPont State Forest Map. Guess the price has gone up Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-19884446788272594922011-07-01T12:26:00.001-04:002011-07-01T13:58:35.018-04:00Stop Animation Video Wins Road ID Flat Joe Biker Contest
Ring the Cowbell for Reader Mike F.
He obviously has the world’s smallest cyclocross race course in the world in his front yard! He’s reader Mike F. and the winner/creative genius of The Best Bike Blog EVER! Flat Joe Biker photo contest presented by Road ID. Congratulations and thank you Mike. Enjoy your Road ID e-gift card. The amount of work that went into this is very humbling.
Not Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-43601618820802384982011-06-30T09:56:00.003-04:002011-06-30T10:08:44.552-04:00A Dozen Reasons Winning a Case-O-SunChips Prime Is So Killer12 It totally justifies the purchase of a $5k+ Kuota KOM pro tour bike from BioWheels.
11 The PR guy for blog sponsor Ryders Eyewear can email this photo to his boss and leave work early without anyone noticing today.
10 SunChips rhymes with fun-sh@*!
9 I beat a guy riding a pink bike to do it at Ault Park. Outside of the Giro, a pink bike should never win.
bad kitty.
8 When it’s empty, I can Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-83955361296944454412011-06-29T12:48:00.001-04:002011-06-29T12:50:34.274-04:00TDF 2011: It's the Leather Jersey That MattersObviously there’s some disagreement as to if Contador should not have attacked and/or waited after Schleck dropped his chain in last year's tour. Some cried foul. Others insist there are no gifts in the Tour De France. There will never be any cut and dry rule. We could debate the tire-width line between winning and sportsmanship till someone from France wins the tour again, or we could award Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-36344390010662487222011-06-27T11:28:00.001-04:002011-06-27T11:33:25.258-04:00Podium Flowers on the Mantel
They Do Look Nice
Another man gave flowers to my wife. Who? Which guy? Him? Even with my little biker bean arms I can puff up my chest like a protective walrus when someone steals my chivalrous thunder. It was our anniversary this weekend. I should be the dude dolling out the pretty flowers. I knew I should’ve picked some up, but we already had an orchid on the mantel. However, like Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-65461797416365862932011-06-24T12:06:00.004-04:002011-06-26T16:56:54.886-04:00Hyde Park Blast/USA Crit Series Cheering For DummiesHow do I cheer?Clap like a spaz. If you don’t own a cowbell, craft a recession version using a wooden spoon and camping skillet and clang it like dinner time at the monkey exhibit. Yell only as a last resort. You’ll find out why when you call your mother on Sunday morning.How do I look like I know what I’m cheering for?Cheer for a USA Crit Championship Series leader. Impress the cutie next toJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-39800351665566350292011-06-22T11:44:00.003-04:002011-06-22T12:10:55.630-04:00Dude, Where’s My Giant Foam Thumb?It’s the if-then philosophical algebraic method of cycling. If you don’t have a spare tube and air, then carry a cell phone. If you don’t have a cell phone, then ride with friends who do. If you don’t have any friends…uh…you should either have two Nike’s or a giant foam thumb sticking out of your jersey pocket.
Occasionally I ride with Dude. Dude’s cool and a steady strong heads up rider. Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-51672388940885927462011-06-20T10:40:00.001-04:002011-06-20T10:43:01.082-04:00Things Your Garmin Can’t Capture for $500 Alex-Flat Joe Biker Early Photo Contest Entries
Mike Fun With Photoshop
Morning fog hides the bridge on the Ohio. A four foot garter snake suns on the trail. Your buddy’s conversation makes your 22mph effort seem like 17. Those are the things that stick in your melon when someone asks, “How was your ride?” That’s why I think, after only a week, the Road ID Flat Joe Biker contest is off to a great start. You want to share those moments Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-82654654901603968872011-06-16T10:57:00.000-04:002011-06-16T10:57:01.744-04:00Hoarders: Extreme Water Bottle EditionThe ones I could see, I counted. 2-4-6. 15-17-19. 28-30-32. Wedged into the plastic bin on the pantry shelf, next to the liquor in the fridge-top cabinet, lined like stout soldiers in front of the cookbooks we possess enough water bottles to outfit a pro tour team for a Hors Category stage of the Tour De France. 44-46-48. With 6 more in the dishwasher and 4 on the drying rack, I can’t Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-10162976871074655542011-06-14T13:09:00.000-04:002011-06-14T13:09:13.447-04:00Be Your Own Sports Fan: Shaking Cycling ADD
OBEY Jimmy
My self diagnosed ADD friend seemingly stumbled upon an epiphany of spectacular clarity. He says, “I’m my own sports fan.” Wha huh? Did someone hear a heavenly chorus? Now and then, in the trough between loud and colorful waves of distraction, Jimmy Road Rash rides a tsunami of incredible focus. Yes, this is the same guy who rode right off the road and into a snow bank while Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-41768150060746231672011-06-13T11:06:00.002-04:002011-06-13T11:44:44.755-04:00Win a Road ID! Enter the Flat Joe Biker Photo Contest
Click, Print and Win!
I’d love to go to Iron Man in Idaho, kayaking in da U.P. of Michigan, and mountain bike in Pisgah. That’s a lot for three weeks, but not for Flat Joe Biker. Even though he’s two dimensional and can’t swim, Flat Joe Biker floats, doesn’t require sunscreen or a passport, fits in a jersey pocket, doesn’t have a real job, doesn’t cry when he gets lost, and makes your Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-23948095197170967432011-06-09T15:14:00.001-04:002011-06-09T15:17:29.089-04:00The Seven Stages of DNFingScrew it. We never train to say screw it, to let go. Instead, we hang the medal for the Nowheresville Criterium on the wall and arrange the trophy from the 6 Hours of Whatever on the shelf like mojos to ward of bad bike race spirits. We spend so much effort training to get a hold of something that we never think of what to do when we need to let go of something. We need bad days on the bike Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-91599460380415884262011-06-06T13:15:00.000-04:002011-06-06T13:15:07.910-04:00There Must Be 50 Ways to Lose Mohican
On The Mohican 100k Start Line Courtesy Jen & Mark Farmer
You can have your frame crack, Jack…have your stem hammer your boys, Roy…get bit by a bee, Lee…are you listening to me? Nearly 48 hours have passed since my stellar Mohican 100k turned into what can best be described by internet videos of would-be marathon winners hilariously crumpling and falling to the ground at mile 18. I’ve bonked,Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-75094824949424577802011-06-01T12:18:00.000-04:002011-06-01T12:18:43.388-04:00Rest Is Ridiculous: The Week B4 Mohican 100I don’t bother lubing my chain or pumping tires, even though I’m headed to a race. I might pour a beer in my water bottle and bungee the cooler bag to the rear rack. I’ll probably wear cargo shorts and stuff a bag of chips in the pocket. I won’t even bother pinning a number. I’ll find a nice spot in the grass, preferably next to a friend with a dog, sit my butt down and try to remember its Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-29397339576953022742011-05-23T14:36:00.002-04:002011-05-23T15:14:44.017-04:00Doping: The New Meaning of the Yellow JerseyDoes it really matter? Considering what Tyler Hamilton said on 60 minutes last night, if Lance doped and every other team in the pro peloton distributes their version of the white lunch bag in the team bus, does it really matter to me, as a fan? Not really. It’s still a fair race. The playing field is still even, just lower than it used to be.
I keep going back to "Dear Doper" an article I Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-37420603206954810102011-05-11T10:50:00.000-04:002011-05-11T10:50:07.582-04:00Bike Vacation: Rent or Your Own RideLike a backpack stitched with cloth patches from Amsterdam and Canada and suitcases covered in stickers from Paris and Rome, a bike that’s been to far away lands becomes a better bike. However, I’d never put a sticker on my bike. Those go on the toolbox, roof rack or workstand. I’ve rented bikes in the Florida Keys, Maui, Breckenridge and Whistler, but shipped my Niner Air 9 to Park City. TheJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-49805317299691191682011-05-04T12:18:00.002-04:002011-05-04T12:27:54.989-04:00Movie Review: Phil Keoghan’s “The Ride” (I’m In It!)
Phil and I Two Years Ago East of Columbus, OH
I’m still not sure how many degrees from Kevin Bacon I am, but I scratched “Appear in Real Movie” off my bucket list Monday night at the Cincinnati Premiere of Amazing Race host Phil Keoghan’s documentary “The Ride.” I appear for exactly 3.4 seconds about an hour and 10 minutes into the film. I know this because I shouted “Heeeyyyy” and pointed atJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-22628870999505688062011-05-02T14:31:00.003-04:002011-05-02T15:21:06.637-04:00Video: Phil Keoghan - The Movie "The Ride" The Interview
Phil laughed. "You believe it was two years ago?" I shook my head. "Feels like it was yesterday," I replied with a smile. I rode with Phil two years ago on the Columbus Ohio leg of his Ride Across America to benefit the MS Society. It was tough. He nearly dropped me...a few times. Today he returned to Cincinnati for the local premiere of the movie based on that experience called "The RideJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-49043166988234305012011-04-29T12:08:00.000-04:002011-04-29T12:08:17.722-04:00The Sink Shower: As Seen On The Best Bike Blog EverI’ve performed the ritual of the Sink Shower™ at nasty trailhead restrooms as well as nice restaurant bathrooms. If you’re familiar with Allyn’s café on Cincinnati’s east side, I took a Sink Shower™ there once and then sat down for some killer Jambalaya.
A sink shower is the perfect way to quickly make you publicly presentable after a hard bike ride by essentially bathing at the sink of a publicJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-71791033653466339312011-04-26T13:42:00.000-04:002011-04-26T13:42:25.653-04:00Cincinnati: Now Rainier than Seattle and PortlandThe drench-o-meter at the Cincinnati Northern Kentucky airport shows 10 ½ inches of rain this April, an all time record. You’d think that’s like Portland rainfall. Not even close. Portland’s average monthly rainfall for April is a wimpy 2.4 inches. Even in the cute rubber rain boot capitol of the US, Seattle gets only 6 inches of rain in its rainiest months of December and January. We passedJoe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-88099468373044686782011-04-21T15:29:00.000-04:002011-04-21T15:29:32.848-04:00Sitting In and 2 Other Ways to Be Mediocre & SurviveBikefucious say, “The best cyclists are lazy, except when necessary.” I’m no cycling genius and this certainly isn’t the blog for impeccable cycling insight, but for the most part, it’s true. In a race, on a group ride, even solo, cycling is about getting the most out of doing the least. The time trialist riding the aero bike with his knees akimbo isn’t going to set the course record. We’ve Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-79021005515711982132011-04-18T10:59:00.001-04:002011-04-18T11:32:13.889-04:00Meet Coco, My Flamboyant Fantasy Bike ButlerMy cell phone rings once a month. The exterminator calls to pitch us a package, $180 to keep bugs out of the house for the year. That’s a tish pricey in my book. You can win the lottery, but you still have to spend your money wisely right? Conversely, since we hit those six big numbers a few months back, $180 is exactly what I spend every single week for my bike butler.
Hola Coco!
Meet Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-34993057024870514872011-04-13T11:55:00.000-04:002011-04-13T11:55:35.557-04:00Child’s Play: Nephew’s Huck at Ray's Caught on Video
The dump truck, the fire truck, all of them, on a triple top-tube spray painted black Schwinn with BMX tires I sailed over 27 Tonka trucks. Hmmm. That sounds like a lot. Maybe it was 19, or 11. Regardless, 30 some years later, I can see the wood jump at the edge of my childhood driveway. We’d approach downhill from the street, cut-in to the driveway, hit the lip of the 8-12 inch scrap 2x4 Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-22822973203963004972011-04-11T12:00:00.002-04:002011-04-11T14:25:03.630-04:00Douchyness Drops Cancellara On Cycling God Totem
Pre-2011 Roubaix Cycling God Totem
After holding the 3rd spot on the podium of my Cycling God Totem Pole for years behind Marco and Top-God Eddy, Fabian Cancellera fell to 5th position. He’s now behind Hinault and Lance, not because of his self proclaimed losses at Paris Roubaix and Flanders but, because he grew a dick nose after Flanders and it got bigger after Roubaix.
Douchexhibit 1: The Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-85595515977285258032011-04-07T13:44:00.001-04:002011-04-07T13:46:17.523-04:00Going Out For Lunch in Cincinnati's Eden Park
Magnolias near Krohn Conservatory
I want to run
Snap photos in the park
Jump jack by the fountain
Revisit an old face
Daily Dare Devil
See something new
Clop up stone stairs
Breeze past the wall scaler
And hear a familiar wind whisper my ear
Carved Stone Pillar
Hesitate at the point
See a Magnolia in bloom
Snag the water bottle from my car
And drink it from the open tailgate
My Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-44392142195112445672011-04-05T08:30:00.003-04:002011-04-05T13:23:45.095-04:00Amazing Race Phil Keoghan's "The Ride" Movie Coming to Cinti (maybe I'm in it)After meeting Amazing Race host Phil Keoghan on a few occasions, long enough to put the star struck jitters aside, his real talent is not bike riding or hosting a reality game show (both of which he's amazing at by the way). Whether it's joy or pain, Phil possesses a remarkable ability to open people up, dig at their heart and bring it all out for the world to see. The fact that he's found a Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-22216765346585344492011-04-04T12:25:00.000-04:002011-04-04T12:25:57.461-04:00The Perpetual Headwind: A Not-So Scientific Explanation
Headwind? I say vacuum.
Attn: Scientific Research Department at The Best Bike Blog EverUpon my recent excursions on the road I am again left to ponder the physics of "The Perpetual Head Wind." You leave in a head wind. Turn every direction into a headwind and when you are officially bonked & toasted like a forgotten marshmallow over a campfire you turn for home into a small gust that feels Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-67093695618368743802011-04-02T19:53:00.001-04:002011-04-02T19:54:14.201-04:00And Now You May Race The Bride(Note: This story about a competitive couple is one of my favorites. It dates back a few years to when this blog was on AOL. So, chances are you haven't read it before. I bring it back because the April 1st post is dated. Enjoy!)
It was as if they started their lives together with the words, “with this ring, I thee race.” I can imagine their first kiss, seemingly endless, with both parties Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-43441809505068940472011-04-01T10:38:00.002-04:002011-04-01T10:42:46.780-04:00Top 10 April 1st Cycling Headlines
Hipsters Beware
Hipster Killed Locking Bike To Top of Electric Fence
Shotgun Out: Ohio Valley CX Gun Club Race To Get Rocket Propelled Grenade Start
Jimmy Carter Wins Nobel Peace Prize For Ending Cyclocross Air Pressure Debate
Cobble Gripping Suction Cup Tires To Debut at Tour of Flanders
Pure CO2 Inflation
Topeak Unveils New CO2 Tire Pump: “You Blow”
Mr. Katie Compton Changing Name to Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-25929703498649284712011-03-30T10:34:00.001-04:002011-03-30T10:38:10.192-04:00Ask This Old Bike: Klein KunundrumDear Ask This Old Bike,Do you know of anybody that would be interested in this bike? It is (my brother’s) Klein and was bought new for $2000. I could be wrong but thought he said it was a 60 inch frame. I could get more info from him if you want.
Hugs & Kisses,
Your #1 Fan Forever
Dear #1 Fan Forever,I can ask around and let you know. You’d be looking for someone just getting into cycling…a Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-85744991212768697632011-03-28T10:43:00.000-04:002011-03-28T10:43:45.111-04:00My Man Crush & the Holy Trinity of Cycling
Back of Cavendish, Full-On Fabian 2010 TOC
You’ve seen the video, heard the stories and all of sudden Sasquatch’s thick matted fur is all up in your grill so close you crinkle your nose and squint your eyes at the Yeti stench. Yeah. Mmmph. You urk back a little puke and say to yourself, “That’s a beautiful Big Foot.” Seeing Fabian Cancellara and Tom Boonen up close is sort of like seeing Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-32099131784056688942011-03-24T11:21:00.001-04:002011-03-24T12:06:44.142-04:00Autonearbyu Syndrome: How To Lose SchababerleSchababerle, the 2nd race in the Ohio Valley Spring Road Series is this weekend. Here's a summary of survival for those making the trip to this spring classic climb in Northern Kentucky.
Autonearbyu Syndrome:The incessant urge to quit every time your sniveling broken body passes your car at the intersection of California Cross and Rt. 10.
Toasters:The crowd of people along the last pitch of Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-69193824019906472142011-03-22T08:30:00.001-04:002011-03-22T08:30:02.565-04:00Banned Radio Found in UCI Parking Lot
Banned Radio
(Nose Hit News Service - Aigle, Switzerland) With wires sticking out the back, this car radio was found lying in the UCI’s parking lot. “At first we thought a car was broken into,” said a skateboarder doing bitchin’ kick flips with his friends outside UCI headquarters, “but this is Mr. McQuaid’s parking spot.” Apparently someone is on a radio banning rampage. “We’re totally Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-15496710038189016052011-03-16T15:19:00.003-04:002011-03-17T11:55:36.763-04:00Death March: Kickboxing With Edward Scissorhands
Here, the fateful choice was made to swim.
Note: As you know I'm writing an article for XXC Magazine's April/May Issue #11 about the Sub 9 Death March. Part of the story will be the tale of the Rogue Racing Project foursome that found themselves wet up to their chests, plundering like Vikings through the stickers, bushwhacking and bleeding their way north toward Elkinsville Cemetery. Gary Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-65743584169879801442011-03-12T13:30:00.015-05:002011-03-14T09:49:16.685-04:00Death March on Ghost Roads: XXC Magazine Article PreviewI feel like I’m trying to solve that childhood math brain teaser, only train A is my teammate and I traveling 5 miles of pavement and 5 miles of gravel and train B is us traveling 4 miles of gravel and 3 miles of singletrack with two creek crossings. Which one will reach Callahan Cemetery first? That problem and dozens like it have burnt up more emails, Facebook posts, and text messages in the Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-60443170815447630232011-03-11T09:46:00.003-05:002011-03-11T09:57:43.175-05:00Anatomy of a Death RigReader Jason was brave enough to post the photo of his Sub 9 Death March Death Rig to The Best Bike Blog EVER's Facebook page. He was the only one. The Death March causes cyclists to evaluate everything. Jason's running a seatbag big enough to carry a bible and a wooden stake in case of a zombie encounter at one of the cemetery checkpoints. Personally, thinking maximum power on the roads and Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-54493113949591240402011-03-09T12:32:00.002-05:002011-03-09T12:42:30.376-05:00Joe-Made Fender = FailIn anticipation of a wet Sub9 Death March this Saturday, I made a fender from this 100 count CD tower. I work at a radio station and empty compact disc towers are as abundant as men and women who can give you the time and temperature four different ways. Its 44 degrees at 4:44. That’s 16 minutes before the hour and we’re expecting a shower. 44 minutes past four and the thermometer reads 44. Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230522183540502414.post-5003465320309078842011-03-07T10:36:00.000-05:002011-03-07T10:36:13.846-05:00Dropped & Lost at Podunk Place and Boondock BlvdI’m square dancing on a bike. I swear I crossed route 125 and 132…twice. Allemande left and dosado. I remember the Marathon gas station a few miles from East Fork State Park on 125 having more trees around it and it being sort of a Pony Keg. I’m officially lost and according to the GPS in my head, at least an hour and a half from home. That’s an hour and half if I rode straight back on the Joe Bikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04826837459066443029noreply@blogger.com1